You Might Be a Computer Nerd if…
written by Nosferatu
· Your web page is more popular than you.
· Your favorite sport is Tetris.
· You know what fuzzy logic is.
· You talk to your computer.
· When given a choice, you look at Computer Shopper instead of Playboy.
· You argue with your computer.
· Your computer has its own phone line.
· You have dreams involving your computer.
· You try to pick up women on chat lines.
· You can talk to a woman about your hardware and not mean anything sexual.
· You spend Friday nights with your computer.
· You ask a woman for her email address instead of her phone number.
· You’ve never actually met many of your friends.
· You remember how to use DOS.
· You think Bill Gates is “a cool guy.”
· Only computer users can understand you.
· Your home page is longer than your resume.
· You’ve ever installed Linux.
· You’ve missed the X-Files because you wanted to play on your computer.
· You always understand Dilbert.
· You regularly drink Jolt cola.
· You spend more time on the Internet than you do sleeping.
· You have multiple email addresses.
· You’ve ever setup a LAN in your house.
· You understood the above statement.
· You search the Internet for computer humor.
· Your idea of hurrying is typing faster.
· You keep spare mouse pads.
· You buy your computer gifts.
· You’ve ever been dumped for paying too much attention to your computer.
· Someone mentions foreign language and you think “Cobol”.
· You regularly use a tape backup on files you have the original disks for.
· You get a new computer, take it out of the box, and you immediately remove the case.
· You have ever called home to check on your computer.
· You do processes in DOS instead of Windows not because it is faster, but because it just confuses people.
· You’ve ever considered getting a tattoo of the “Intel Inside” logo.
· You have a pet name for your computer, but not one for your penis.
· You know every law about computer piracy by heart, because you’ve been convicted on all of them.
· You no longer interact with your family, you send them email instead; in the same house.
· You check your email before you check your answering machine.
· You can program the next best thing to Windows, but you still can’t get your VCR to stop flashing.
· You have more insurance on your computer than on your children.
· You receive more chat requests than phone calls.
· You stopped paying for call waiting because it kept knocking you off-line.
· You don’t immediately go into gibbering panic when you hear of a new computer virus.
· You’ve ever emailed your assignment in to your professor.
· You’ve ever tried to see how far you can move the mouse without turning off the screen saver.
· You have dialed 911 and faxed them your problem.
· You call in sick to work over your computer.
· Your first aid kit contains Norton’s Anti-Virus.
· You know what the acronyms HTML, URL, ISP, and HTTP each stand for.
· You tinker with computers at work all day, and when you finally get off work, you rush home to tinker with your computer.
· You dedicate your home page to your favorite actress in hopes that she will see it and desire to meet you.
· You have more than one home page.
· The closest you ever come to having sex is downloading nude pictures off of the Internet.
· You have a better computer system at home than at work.
· You get jealous when other people use your computer.
· You run back into your burning home to rescue your computer, but you leave the dog.
· You know exactly how much hard drive space you have free, but you don’t know your spouse’s birthday.
· You run Windows 95 and Windows 3.1 just because you can.
· You have the high score on Jezz Ball.
· You know what word 31337 stands for.
· You keep spare computer parts around the house.
More You Might Be a Computer Nerd If…
written by Mike Terzo
· If you have more drives than there are letters in the alphabet.
· If you have to run software to use all of your RAM.
· If you have more data CDs than music CDs.
· When you buy music CDs you find yourself checking for the “Designed for Windows 95” logo.
· You run a Windows 3.1 interface inside of Windows 95.
· Your sound card cost more than your stereo.
· Your computer has more processors than com ports.
· Your computer boots to the theme of Hackers.
· You have more network rights and access than your professors.
Word Count: 832