You Might Be A Nerd 15260 - Essay Example

You Might Be a Computer Nerd if…

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written by Nosferatu

· Your web page is more popular than you.

· Your favorite sport is Tetris.

· You know what fuzzy logic is.

· You talk to your computer.

· When given a choice, you look at Computer Shopper instead of Playboy.

· You argue with your computer.

· Your computer has its own phone line.

· You have dreams involving your computer.

· You try to pick up women on chat lines.

· You can talk to a woman about your hardware and not mean anything sexual.

· You spend Friday nights with your computer.

· You ask a woman for her email address instead of her phone number.

· You’ve never actually met many of your friends.

· You remember how to use DOS.

· You think Bill Gates is “a cool guy.”

· Only computer users can understand you.

· Your home page is longer than your resume.

· You’ve ever installed Linux.

· You’ve missed the X-Files because you wanted to play on your computer.

· You always understand Dilbert.

· You regularly drink Jolt cola.

· You spend more time on the Internet than you do sleeping.

· You have multiple email addresses.

· You’ve ever setup a LAN in your house.

· You understood the above statement.

· You search the Internet for computer humor.

· Your idea of hurrying is typing faster.

· You keep spare mouse pads.

· You buy your computer gifts.

· You’ve ever been dumped for paying too much attention to your computer.

· Someone mentions foreign language and you think “Cobol”.

· You regularly use a tape backup on files you have the original disks for.

· You get a new computer, take it out of the box, and you immediately remove the case.

· You have ever called home to check on your computer.

· You do processes in DOS instead of Windows not because it is faster, but because it just confuses people.

· You’ve ever considered getting a tattoo of the “Intel Inside” logo.

· You have a pet name for your computer, but not one for your penis.

· You know every law about computer piracy by heart, because you’ve been convicted on all of them.

· You no longer interact with your family, you send them email instead; in the same house.

· You check your email before you check your answering machine.

· You can program the next best thing to Windows, but you still can’t get your VCR to stop flashing.

· You have more insurance on your computer than on your children.

· You receive more chat requests than phone calls.

· You stopped paying for call waiting because it kept knocking you off-line.

· You don’t immediately go into gibbering panic when you hear of a new computer virus.

· You’ve ever emailed your assignment in to your professor.

· You’ve ever tried to see how far you can move the mouse without turning off the screen saver.

· You have dialed 911 and faxed them your problem.

· You call in sick to work over your computer.

· Your first aid kit contains Norton’s Anti-Virus.

· You know what the acronyms HTML, URL, ISP, and HTTP each stand for.

· You tinker with computers at work all day, and when you finally get off work, you rush home to tinker with your computer.

· You dedicate your home page to your favorite actress in hopes that she will see it and desire to meet you.

· You have more than one home page.

· The closest you ever come to having sex is downloading nude pictures off of the Internet.

· You have a better computer system at home than at work.

· You get jealous when other people use your computer.

· You run back into your burning home to rescue your computer, but you leave the dog.

· You know exactly how much hard drive space you have free, but you don’t know your spouse’s birthday.

· You run Windows 95 and Windows 3.1 just because you can.

· You have the high score on Jezz Ball.

· You know what word 31337 stands for.

· You keep spare computer parts around the house.

More You Might Be a Computer Nerd If…

written by Mike Terzo

· If you have more drives than there are letters in the alphabet.

· If you have to run software to use all of your RAM.

· If you have more data CDs than music CDs.

· When you buy music CDs you find yourself checking for the “Designed for Windows 95” logo.

· You run a Windows 3.1 interface inside of Windows 95.

· Your sound card cost more than your stereo.

· Your computer has more processors than com ports.

· Your computer boots to the theme of Hackers.

· You have more network rights and access than your professors.

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