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Personal Ads - Essay Example

Everyone has seen a personal ad some where either in a news paper or in a magazine or even online which is has most of them now a days. The internet has become the meeting grounds of the universe for some reason when it is just a mean to cheat on beautiful women to meat them (like they didn’t have enough from us already). Personally I think that there is nothing like friendship first and turning it into a relationship later. This is what the USA TODAY thinks about it:

“The online dating world used to be the place where lonely losers tried to find love. But online personals are not just for freaks and geeks anymore. Online dating is coming of age as lonely hearts surf the Net to find Web-savvy partners. These days, it’s mostly about dating niches. Sure, there are large dating supermarkets like Match.com, the world’s No. 1 online personals service with 8 million users and 724,000 paid subscribers. But there’s a horde of specialty Web sites: Many African-Americans go to BlackPlanet.com. Jewish singles often go to JDate.com. Christian singles are meeting at the aptly named Christiansingles.com. Gays and lesbians are surfing PlanetOut and Gay.com. Urban hipsters are kicking it together at Nerve.com.”

Now you see the beautiful portray that the USA today said about the net and how it is wonderful to meet new people but problems and home breakers come from those websites too. Like the story of this little girl that found out that her mother is seeing a guy behind her husbands back. The little girl didn’t know what to do so she posted a letter on the dear Abby page of one of the newspapers. Here is the story in her own words,

“I found out that my mom has been exchanging e-mail love letters with a man from out of state. I know because she had been staying up until 2 and 3 a.m. on the computer. I did a little detective work and found the letters. They talked about meeting and how much they love each other. Mom uses a fake name and has told this guy numerous lies about her life. She’s portraying herself as a young, pretty girl when she’s really a 53-year-old frumpy housewife. The man is married with two kids; Mom has been married for 30 years and has three kids and two grandchildren. She is seriously addicted to the Internet and has been sneaking around to get on it. I found out she also calls this guy. I know personally how addictive the Internet can be. It can ruin your life by making infidelity easier. I don’t know if I should confront her. Please help. I’m desperate for advice.”

Such a sad story but not all internet matches are like that of course. The story of mating and the story of our individual search for passion has taken on many different forms of communication through the ages. There was a time when men and women most commonly first met through their correspondence; introductions were made by families, and the couple’s first meeting occurred on their wedding day. For most of the last century, introductions not made in person most frequently occurred over the phone, leading to such comments as “He has such a nice voice. When you meet someone on the Internet, this process is reversed — you experience mental and emotional chemistry first. Then, when you eventually meet, you get a chance to decide if the physical chemistry is there.

The most common question regarding Internet relationships is from women who write, “We hit it off so well for three months on the Internet, but after we met the relationship fell apart.” Each of us, Martian and Venusian alike, is vulnerable about our personal appearance. When a person is interested in someone and the interest isn’t mutual, the first thing we question is whether they were turned off by our looks. In reality, the complexities and the subtleties of attraction go well beyond eye color, hair style, and body type. How various attractions and characteristics work together is a mystery. Those who’ve “felt the sparks fly” when they met someone for the first time know what I mean.

The phenomenon of physical attraction is a mystery. The popular notion is that it’s something felt between two people with perfect bodies. You may admire a photo of someone with an attractive face and a nice physique, but when you meet, that admiration usually has little to do with two people making a physical connection.

“The Internet is a new tool in the unfolding of human experience. It will take time to best learn how to use its benefits and to avoid its pitfalls” (and a lot of them). The Internet hinders the communication process. Many believe that the Internet is superior and will be able to replace traditional activities such as shopping, grocery shopping, and even personal relationships.

However, the Internet will not be able to do just that. The Internet renders users unable to carry out normal social functions such as face-to-face conversations. The Internet is seen as a substitute for meaningful relationships, when really, it harms personal relationships by hindering the communication process.

Contrary to Howard Rheingold’s belief that the “World Wide Web is an opportunity to form meaningful personal relationships that has been lost since ‘the malt shop became the mall,” many harmful relationships originate from the Internet as well. While online relationships may be “warm and intimate and may help to strengthen real-world relationships by helping us ‘stay in touch”,online relationships could never substitute meaningful personal relationships.

According to Counseling Services at Kansas State University, a healthy relationship includes talking with each other. “It can’t be said enough: communication is essential in healthy relationships! It means a) take the time. Really be there. b) Genuinely listen. Don’t plan what to say next while you’re trying to listen. Don’t interrupt. c) Listen with your ears and your heart. Sometimes people have emotional messages to share and weave it into their words.” And that is why I personally think that women are like the words they hear but never feel the full emotion of them so they fall for the guy, and then when they meet him, he is a wreck, and men become Gods joke on earth and so on and so forth.(and yes we take the blame for that too).